Spoof: Valentine’s hidden secret revealed


Rachel Roemmich

Middle school language arts teacher Laurel Valentine unpacks things for her classroom. Valentine has been a teacher for 18 years now.

Rachel Roemmich

Prior to living in David City, middle school language arts teacher Laurel Valentine and her family lived in Falls City, Nebraska. She really liked Falls City, but when the change happened, she had to leave.

It was a hazy morning in Falls City on the day Valentine found out that no one was in her town besides her family. It started off like a normal morning when she realized that there was not the usual smell of fried chicken coming from the Sunmart across the street. However, she didn’t really think anything about it.

“When I didn’t see the crazy lady taking out her garbage in her pjs, something didn’t seem right,” Valentine said. “I got the kids in the car to take them to school when I looked up and saw that there were no cars on the highway next to my house.”

When Valentine got to the preschool where Hayden went and there were no lights on with no cars in the parking lot, she thought there was a day off that she didn’t know about. She carried on to all of her other kids’ schools to make sure there wasn’t school that day. After she finished going to all of her kids schools, she went to the school that she worked at. “ Once I was at the school, there were some lights on which wasn’t too suspicious, but it was weird that the janitor wasn’t there,” Valentine stated.

Two hours passed and still no one arrived, so Valentine decided to leave. At this point she knew that no one was in town, so she decided to take advantage of her family being the only people there.

“The first place we went to was Shopko because I love Shopko,” Valentine stated. Surprisingly, the doors were open. It was like everyone got up and left out of the blue. They then went to the Great Home Candle store to see if the doors on it were open as well. While they were driving there, she realized that all of the doors to stores were wide open.

By the time they were finished with shopping, they were all hungry. So they decided to go and eat at a Sonic near where they were. “ There wasn’t any food made, so we made cheesecake bites,” said Valentine.
Once the cheesecake bites were finished, the Valentines made their way to their local water park. While Mrs.Valentine was going down all the fun water slides and swimming, her kids were being lifeguards. She did let them swim for a little bit, but only because they were behaving.

“Once we were done swimming we headed over to Mountain Jeff’s to get some fried cheese bars. Yes, you heard me right: fried cheese bars,” Valentine said.

Once they got home Mr. Valentine was sitting on the couch watching Teletubbies. They didn’t know why he was watching Teletubbies, but their day was messed up enough so they didn’t really  acknowledge it. They all watched Teletubbies for a little bit, and then Mrs. Valentine asked Mr. Valentine how his day was and what he did. He said that it was crazy because when he got home from driving around,  he just felt the urge to watch children’s TV shows and that was his day. “Same” Valentine said “ Mine was crazy as well.”

A few days passed and the Valentines were still alone with no neighbors home, no friends to hang out with, and no jobs to get money, so decided they need to move. They didn’t know where to move to, so they started to do some research and came across David City.  They read that they have a good wrestling program for Jacson and Morgen, and a good One- Act and Speech program for Keetyn. So they packed up their valuables into “Maleficent” [there black van] and left.

On their way to David City, Mrs. Valentine received a text from one of her friends that explained  there was a huge sale at Walmart in Kansas and the whole town left and forgot to tell them. “ Well it’s to late know” Valentine stated.

When they get to David City, “ We found a big white house, painted it blue and moved in” said Valentine. Now the Valentines have been here for four years and don’t plan on moving anytime soon.