Spoof: Famous naturalist discovered at DCHS


Macy Svoboda

Science teacher Todd Carmichael stands next to one of his mass produced self portrait posters. Carmichael has kept his secret identity of being Charles Darwin a secret for over 200 years.

Macy Svoboda, Co-Editor

All students at David City High School are required to take a biology class, so every student will take a class with biology teacher, Todd Carmichael. Students at DCHS always have an idea of who their teachers are and where they came from, but Carmichael has one secret he has been hiding for a long time now. So now the question is: Who really is Todd Carmichael, and what is he hiding?

Carmichael references all his lessons and studies back to Charles Darwin. He would always state how Darwin is the greatest person that ever lived. Most students believed he always just had some type of weird obsession with him. Many would never have thought that the high school science teacher they knew as Carmichael is actually the Charles Darwin.

One of Darwin’s most famous  discoveries was his time on the HMS Beagle, where he did research on tortoises on the Galapagos Islands. While he was studying the tortoises, he came along a scientific secret to a long life.

I kept this secret to myself because I quickly realized that if everyone were able to live as long as a tortoise that humans would quickly exceed the Earth’s carrying capacity,” Carmichael said.

Since he found this secret to long life, Carmichael knew he had to go into hiding right away so others wouldn’t ask for his secret. While he was in London, he began looking for a man that looked similar to him.

“I found an old penniless man,” Carmichael said. “In exchange for financial compensation for his family for the rest of their lives, I took possession of his corpse after he passed away of natural causes.”

Everyone believed Darwin had died of a heart attack and was buried in the Westminster Abbey Museum.

Once Carmichael got out of England, he thought going to the United States in a small town was the best way to keep his identity a secret. After settling in the small town of David City, Nebraska, Carmichael thought being a biology teacher was the most logical idea.

The truth has finally been revealed. Now everyone knows who the real Todd Carmichael is.